Relationships and Sexuality

Before I started my long grueling road of transition, I was shy and introverted. I was a  bit of a hermit and I hated going out in public. That all changed...


About a month after I had started HRT, I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin. That comfort lead to me being able to go out in public again and not cover up in super baggy clothes and try and hide my face in a hoodie. I was introduced to a few people who are part of a Local Jacksonville community of non-conforming peoples both on Gender and Sexuality. In this group I've met a lot of people I have grown to love dearly. In this group, I've met some of my most intimate relationships.


Before I started my transition I had all of one major relationship that lasted longer then a week. I met a girl name Valerie, and she seemed pretty okay with me being as weird as I am. We did some really non-conventional things together, but generally we had fun hanging out. Though I had lost my virginity years before her, she was the first person I ever romantically enjoyed spending time with. But sadly it wasn't meant to be, and eventually we separated over my gender identity issues. We still talk randomly but no where near as much as we used too.

It was her acknowledgement that I wasn't man enough for her that really sparked me into wanting to finally transition. Without her relationship I probably wouldn't have ended up self medicating even with Erin's help. She was the ex I had just come home from seeing when I decided I might try committing suicide. But I didn't and I did start taking those pills.

Back then, I considered myself strictly Heterosexual, Only finding sexual attraction with female bodied people, even trans women. After starting my transition I had multiple short term flings with various women, all knew I was Trans, all accepted me as trans, and all of them acted and treated me like a girl. I was in heaven with them.  But afterwards, I always felt... drained, never satisfied. Maybe it was the dysphoria. Maybe it was just that I was being overly judgmental about myself. But I realized I wasn't really all that attracted to women. Yes, I'm in love with their shape and form. But making love to a woman like a man, or even like another woman would, seemed to stressful on my emotional well being... I continued to call myself a Lesbian, though there came a time where, I would never go back to bed with another woman.

Then I met Eric.

Eric was a year younger then me, a geek, bisexual/pansexual, and a cis male. He had a funny smirk, a shy demeanor, and when I kissed him he blushed and cooed. I love being with him, but he doesn't want a permanent committed relationship.

I look around, and even though I'm happy with Eric, I don't see any other male bodied person I'd feel comfortable being with. I doubt I'll find the perfect mate for me any time soon. So right now I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and stay happy.