The worst week I've had in a long while.

Let me just say that I've been on this path for 11 months as of yesterday. And I haven't felt as depressed as I did yesterday. It wasn't the news about my move being canceled that upset me either.

Monday, a guy I knew from my highschool days died in a motorcycle accident. It was kinda hit me pretty hard. I had worried all day about the accident when I heard about it, for some reason I felt like it would end up being someone I knew, When I found out it was indeed a close friend of my brothers and an acquaintance of mine, I started crying. This hit pretty hard.

Tuesday was our City Council meeting in town to discuss an addition to our City's Anti-Discrimination laws. This would add Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation to it. The vote isn't until mid June, but we had a chance to speak. After reading a lot of the "How to make sure you can get into the meeting, how to make sure you can speak." information I basically was informed that I couldn't even enter the meeting because I technically live outside of the city (I live in an unincorporated area just on the outskirts of the major city.) So I couldn't even get in the building if I wanted for that night. Even though I work inside the city.

And then Yesterday.

Yesterday was the worst. I found out about my move getting canceled, and to be honest it wasn't that big of a deal at first. I was disappointed yes, but not to the point of being upset. So I went through the day in a bit of a haze, worked as fast as I could on my tickets, and got as much work as I could done at work. I got paid so I decided I'd buy some new clothes. I need new clothes as I've been wearing the same 4x mens shirts for the last year when I can now fit into some 1x shirts but 2x area little more comfortable for my chest.

I called another trans friend of mine and she agreed to go with me shopping. I picked her up. We laughed that we both were craving the same thing for dinner. So we head to popeyes. I should have just gone through the drive through, but dumb ass little me, I park and we go inside.

Me and my friend are talking about the story I'm writing, I'm explaining what red hair means in the context of my little universe I'm sculpting, She has red hair so it was kinda interesting of a conversation.

We get up to the counter to order and the lady behind the counter misgenders me, pretty directly, and rather loudly. I looked down at my chest. I'm proud to say I'm a 42C. I reach up and readjust my hair. Nope its still there, my hairs real, I dont wear a wig, and I have a rather feminine cut Its not super feminine but its definitely not masculine. My voice isn't very deep. On average I get gendered as a dyke, or lesbian woman. I ordered my food and looked at my friend.

 She had to recently cut her hair short for personal reasons, I think its gorgeous. It is bright firey red, and even short she looks like a cute little femmey dyke as well. She doesn't really have breasts though, but shes super skinny. I love her to death, shes the girl who saved my life. The lady behind the counter looks at her and misgenders her as well. I got so mad. I grit my teeth I bear it. The lady is just blind, tired, what ever.

I should have corrected her. I should have. I know I should have, but the look my friend gave me told me she wanted me to just let it go. So I let it go, I let it slide.

We go and sit down, she asks me to calm down, tells me it is ok, it happens. I don't need to worry. I haven't been that blatantly misgendered in over 3 months. I thought I was doing good, and this lady just ruined my entire day.

Little did I know it was going to get worst.

We sit down, we get our food. We're enjoying our food, and this lady who is the dinning room busy body, cleaning up everything as people leave, comes over. Shes intentionally standing over us while she whips down the bin behind our table.

"How are you Gentlemen today!"

Gentlemen.

I wasn't feeling very gentle, I wasn't a man. My friend is close to just kicking me under the table as I whisper under my breath that I'm having a horrible day. The lady tries to be sympathetic saying it'll get better, she doesn't understand that she just contributed to my own rotten day.

My friend grasps my arm when we're back in my car and tells me its ok, tells me to calm down. tells me it happens, I just have to relax and not let it get to me. But I am so close to tears. So close to breaking down.


We go to a clearance store, the last time I was there they had a decent section of clothing I could fit into. We go to that section and most of its been picked clean. We can't find anything that'll fit me, so we look for some stuff that'll fit my friend. We find a cute pair of pants, tank, and some undies for her. I eventually find a pair of pants and some bras I could fit into.

I head towards the fitting rooms. The fitting room area is in shambles but there is an empty stall so I slip into it and close the door. I try on the pants, they fit but not in a way I would enjoy. Yay I can wear 18's down from my 20-22's. And I can fit into a 42c, down from a 44b, my weight loss is coming along nicely.

While I'm putting the clothes back on the hangers, Fully realizing I'm not going to be buying anything today. I hear one of the other ladies in the changing room come out of her stall and talking with an attendant. I had walked by her while she tried on jeans in front of the standing mirrors. These were all single stall, unmarked fitting rooms, there are no signs for gender, it just says "Fitting Rooms" It just happened these were closer to the women's section, but I had shopped in the women's section, and I had gone into the stall with women's pants and bras in my hand. But I hear the lady say.

"I couldn't believe it some man just came into the women's fitting room, walked right past me. Are there not men's fitting rooms?" I figure, maybe another guy came through? maybe? doubtful.

I get dressed, realign all my clothes, make sure my everything in order, I feel tears going down my cheeks. I stick my chest out, I hold the bras out with one hand, the pants out with the other and I exit my stall with what little Pride I have left. I drop the clothes on their hangers onto the "I don't want these anymore" rack and walk out with the lady glaring at me, I just ignore her. I find my friend and we go to pay for her stuff. She gets nervous and hands me her stuff and asks me to pay for it. I take her bills and the clothes she wants and I purchase them for her with my chin up and my tits out still.

We get in the car and my friend puts her hand on my arm again, tells me to calm down, tells me to relax, Everything will be ok.

I drop her off at home. I meet her mom for the first time. I hug my friend as tight as I can, and I drive home. I get home and watch Dr who. I try and write, but I'm so stressed out, I don't get much done.

I go to be a little early and I cry myself to sleep.

I've been transitioning for a year now. I'm extremely happy with my results, but even though I'm happy I still get misgendered,  a lot. And it is the worst experience in the world.