Dear Transwomen: Put your weapons down.

Put your fucking weapons down!

I see you clutching your keys, fiddling with a knife in your purse, I see the bulge under your jacket that tells me you're packing a concealed weapon under your arm. I'm proud of you, you took an initiative to protect yourself from violent attackers.

But you need to put the weapons away.

CeCe will soon be released from prison for defending herself, and now another state is prosecuting a transgender girl for committing Self-Defense While Trans. They people don't care if you are bullied, they don't care if you are about to be raped, assaulted, or murdered. If you show any amount of violence back toward your oppressor or attacker, you are going to be prosecuted.

You have to understand, they don't care if you saved yourself from harm, you harmed someone else. Even if you were in Florida and killed in self-defense they would ignore that whole stand your ground thing and you would see jail time. You must be joking to think that those laws protect anyone but Cisgender Heterosexual White Males.

What these people are doing is telling you that you have no right to self-defense. You have no right to protect yourself from oppression. You need to just lay back and take what they give you. Sure you can't rely on the police to protect you, they are more likely to assault you than anyone else, but if you try and take the law into your own hands you'll be in trouble. The police will hunt you down, they'll misgender you, assault you, lie to the press about you, then throw you in a male prison where you'll again be assaulted, possibly raped.

Basically you're a target and you need to live with it....

Wait what the fuck am I saying. NO don't disarm, fuck them, if they want to attack you fully commit. Self-Defense is a right, and we'll not go down without a fight. I'm tired of hearing about my transgender sisters being left tied to a concrete block in a lake. FIGHT BACK, your life is precious, the moment someone tried to take it away, they have sacrificed themselves to the Cabal. Let our wrath flow. Fuck them.

My rage against the "Man-Up" culture.

I haven't posted in a while and I'm really disappointed in that. I've left the blog to flounder just like my Tumblr Feed is now floundering, and I seem to be on twitter more than I used to.

I also ran away from the community, hiding from the things that triggered and upset me. I shouldn't have done that, but I will do better. I've been transitioning for 2 years, living full time for over a year and working in a male dominant STEM field as a Woman. This has been enlightening in more ways then one.

But enough about my recent life, let's discuss something that absolutely infuriates me.

When someone tells anyone else to 'Man Up'. It can be said multiple different ways, including the extremely offensive 'Don't be such a girl' or 'Don't be a pussy'. All of these phrases are used to tell someone they are either being physically or emotionally weak about a situation they are in. That they are responding to stress in an 'Unmanly' or 'Non Masculine' way.

This is insulting to the victim of such phrases because of a few different reasons.

• It implies that Femininity is an unwanted trait, in both men and women. 
• It implies that being physically weak is an unwanted trait in both men and women.
• It implies that responding to any sort of stress either Physical or Mental with anything but a shrug is unwanted. 
• It implies that pain can simply be ignored no matter how severe and your inability to ignore it makes you weak. 

These have far reaching consequences, the worst of which is outright dismissal of a person's feelings and experience. This is an aggressive form of oppression in my experience and it can lead to some negative side effects. Especially in men who were told as little boys. 'Play through the pain!' 'Man Up!' 'Grow some Balls!' 'Stop Whining!' 'Don't Be a Pussy!' or other uncomfortable phrases.

The worst of these side effects is they they will ignore a pain that is indicative of a symptom that would normally be used as a warning sign for something more serious. Things like Cancer, Disease, Arthritis, Heart Disease, and even Stroke.

A man with years of the 'Man Up' socialization under his belt could potentially be walking down the street, feel a small pang of heat in his arm, ignore it, become short of breath, ignore it, and then collapse dead of a heart attack because they 'Played through the pain.'

Why does this type of socialization piss me off? Because I was forced through it as a child, even if I live my life as a woman now, I was still socialized with this stigmatizing and dangerous oppression of all that is not masculine.

As a result, I was ill-prepared to seek help for things like Sleep Apnea (Resolved at 25, had it since I was 5), Social Anxiety Disorder(Still an issue in some cases) and Social Anxiety influenced IBS (Resolved at 25 with Transition), and Dysphoria(Resolved at 25 with Transition).  As well as a host of other minor issues I'm sure I'm forgetting over time.

I hate that my native response to stress is 'Oh fuck, well bottle that up.' not 'I need assistance' Especially with issues I can't resolve myself. Luckily I'm getting over it, but in reality, I wish I didn't have to. I also wish others didn't have to go through what I have.

If you are in pain, you have stress, or you are hurting in a way you don't understand or know how to deal with. Seek Help if you can. Please. Seek help. Don't let your pain destroy you.

MLP Season 3 Finale: The Mane 6 experience the same emotional plight as transgender people.

Lately, I've been very busy with my own life and haven't had much time to write and enjoy my daily gender nonconformity, but this was something that hit me and I felt I had to share with the public. The following writing is not meant to be used to say that the episode was about transgender people. More, its just me using the episode as a vehicle to explain transgender feelings.

The season 3 finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic tells a story that on the outside is simple to most people to understand, but can be dug into deeper to help others understand gender dysphoria. Each of the 'Mane 6' Ponies have a cutie mark, a physical manifestation on their body that describes their station and role in life. Their "Destiny" is described by their cutie mark. They can't change these things on their own, its something deeply ingrained in them. 

There is Fluttershy, marked with butterflies, shes good with animals. 

There is Rainbow Dash, marked with a cloud and rainbow lightning bolt, she is good with weather management and super fast flight.

There is Rarity, a series of flawless gems, shes good with fashion and the 'pretty things', makes gowns and jewelry.

There is Applejack, a series of apples, shes a farmer and grows and harvests apples to feed the town. 

There is Pinkie Pie, a series of balloons, shes the party-er and the one who brings a smile to peoples faces when they are sad. 

Then finally there is Twilight Sparkle, a series of stars, shes the magic user that brings the others together and 'Makes it all complete'. 

Sadly, due to events that Twilight Sparkle was unaware of, she casts a magic spell that changes the cutie marks of these characters around. 

Rainbow Dash's destiny is now Rarity's. 

Fluttershy's destiny is now Rainbow Dash's. 

Pinkie Pie's destiny is now Fluttershy's.

Applejack's destiny is now Pinkie Pie's.

Rarity's destiny is now Applejack's.

Essentially the spell "Retcons" their entire past until they think they've been living with the, technically new to them, cutie mark for life. It also causes a bit of a time paradox where one day everything is fine and normal, and the next entire farms are dead.

These characters worlds are flipped upside down, they no longer feel comfortable in their own skin, or the tasks set upon them. They are forced into the skin of someone they don't feel comfortable being. 

Fluttershy has no idea how to tell jokes and liven the mood, helping friends get out of deep depression with silliness. 

Rarity has no idea how to make the weather cooperate, and manages to make the weather pretty, but inconvenient.

Pinkie Pie can't grow apples and the farm is withering.

Applejack can't make dresses, everything ends up looking like a torn up burlap sack.

Rainbow dash can't get the animals to calm down and everything in the animal sanctuary is in chaos. .  

In their words they are being forced to do 'What my cutie mark is telling me.' Because of their distress they are depressed, do not feel normal, and possibly even hate themselves and want to just run away. In some cases even though they are trying to do what their cutie mark says, their true destiny is overlapping. This is especially apparent with Rarity and Applejack.

Rarity takes the weather and tries to make it pretty, but this doesn't let it function in a way thats positive for the land, or the people.

Applejack tries to make dresses, but they look like they are recycled burlap sacks used to carry apples and other farm found materials stitched together. In no way would they be considered fashionable to the extent that Rarity's exquisite dresses are.


The best image I've found explaining the emotions of each character is the above fanart. This mixup and the stress and dysphoria of not being in the right destiny are so heavily impacting the characters that they are crying even as they try and do what their cutie mark says.

Twilight Sparkle, being the only person not affected by this spell, realizes the mistake she made and attempts to remedy the situation. To do so, she takes her friends to each other and shows them their true destiny. they take over the role they are comfortable in and the spell is reversed freeing them back to their natural state of being and then breaking the spell back to basics, re-writing it, and using the new spell to fix the time paradox and return everything back to normal.

The bonus side effect of this is that now Twilight Sparkle has been given a new station in life herself. But it is a positive change enhancing her current one.

So lets take this whole premise and use it as a vehicle to explain the transgender experience. 

Someone is born male or female, given a cutie mark (hormones/genitals) that shows them as being male or female and having a maleor female destiny. They try their best to fit into this destiny, going about their day to day lives as best they can, but for some reason they just feel wrong. Like this destiny is not for them, they try their best at doing things that their cutie mark tells them they should. But they just can't seem to get it right and they get picked on, and the towns people get upset at them over their failures. 

Depressed they maybe try and leave (suicide) or maybe just hide in a corner of the world by themselves trying their best to do what they keep being told by their cutie mark they should do. They can't help that is how they were born. 

Then a magic using unicorn (doctors/science) comes and tells them its obvious that they are not comfortable with their cutie mark, and that they have a spell (hormones/surgery) that can fix their cutie mark. After some hesitation they accept and let the spells magic take effect. They become the opposite gender, their cutiemark is changed, their destiny is changed, and suddenly they are happy, they are exactly how they always felt they should have been. The depression is gone. 

Here is where the story deviates, We're not little ponies in a TV show, we're human beings. Our emotions go deeper to the cord than some cartoons could ever explain. While I don't feel like any of the Mane 6 would have thought of suicide as a remedy for the distress of their life, many trans people do. The ones who manage to change their destiny are much happier, even if others try and say they are "breaking" their destiny to be happy, they are happy. That is what matters.

I hope this explanation helps those of you who have trouble understanding the transgender experience. If you haven't watched that episode, watch it, If you have seen it, please re-watch it after reading this and think about the plight those characters go through in their life when they are told their destiny is something that they themselves are not something they are comfortable with. 

Maybe you'll understand why we are who and what we are, and even support us in changing our cutie marks. 

Alien: Colonial Marines

So, I preordered Aliens: Colonial Marines, and as of today like every gaming review site I've visited has been fisting it in the ass as a piece of shit.

This is depressing, as I'm a Alien fan to the core. I've loved it ever since I was 8ish years old in summer camp and one of the counselors was outside telling a story. I had heard something as I was walking by them, it was a bunch of girls (all crushing over the cute boy counselor), and a few boys all between the ages of 8 sitting around listening.

I came over sat down and listened as he slowly walked us through the terror and excitement of Ripley's first encounter with a xenomorph, and how she bested it by spacing it out an airlock.

I was intrigued, I loved how detailed he made the movie sound and I remember seeing an image of the alien in my head.

Surprisingly when Aliens came on TV and I watched it, I was scared shitless. The entire thing was scary to me, but I was also enraptured, The image in my head of an alien xenomorph was the same as what was now on the screen. I had been verbally given the story of Alien (the first movie) and had yet to actually see it, so I KNEW the background, I knew Ripley's history to an extent. So I was already invested when Aliens (The second movie) actually took me in and coddled me with utter fear.

I didn't have nightmares.
I had dreams. I was a bad ass chick like Ripley kicking everyones ass with a pulse rifle and a flame thrower.

Aliens didn't scare me because I had this female rolemodel to look up too. Someone who was strong, resilient, loving, and at times emotionally unstable by her own fear. But that fear didn't cripple her, it made her stronger.

Aliens 3 came out and I wasn't really that big of a fan, but Alien Resurrection was amazing. Sigourney Weaver, Winona Ryder, and Ron Perlman? Fucking yes please!

Resurrection brought the fear back that I felt was missing from Alien 3.

So when I read all these reviews about a game that is the followup to Alien 2, everyone favorite of the series, and they are complaining about the outdated sound effects of the pulse rifle, and other things that I would be upset at missing in an Alien Game.... I'm a little miffed.

I'm still planning to pick up my pre-order, I'll probably do that on Friday. But until then I'm hoping a real Alien fan reviews it soon.

Dear Americans

Dear Americans. Anytime you let a religious person tell you that your lifestyle is a sin, no matter what that lifestyle is, they are forcing their religion on you. They are obstructing YOUR Freedom of Religion.

They have said lately that anti-discrimination laws oppress their freedom of religion. Because they can not use their freedom of speech and religion to oppress you if it is considered discrimination.

How about this. The next time someone says your lifestyle is a sin, The next time someone says that their freedom of religion is being oppressed by you being protected from discrimination; You look them in the eye and tell them the same fucking thing. Tell that religious person to stop oppressing YOUR freedom of religion. Stand up in front of your elected representatives and tell them that it isn't just discrimination that these laws would prevent. It is the oppression of your freedom of religion.

Lack of religion, alternative, pagan, poly, mono. NO matter what your religion or beliefs actually are. EVEN if your religion claims the same things as theirs about you, They are forcing their religion on you when they claim you are a sinner. They are forcing their religion on you when they stand in front of your elected representatives and say that based on their religion you shouldn't have rights.

So stop letting them walk all over you. This isn't about faith anymore. It isn't about what a religion believes or doesn't believe. THIS is a fight for YOUR freedoms. And they have no right to disrupt your freedom of religion either.

This has gone from being a battle of cultures, a war of lifestyles both religious and sexual. To a WAR over your constitutional rights to NOT be oppressed by another man's religion.

The next time someone calls you a sinner, the next time someone says you do not deserve to be free from discrimination, that something you want is theirs only because of their god; You point a finger at them and tell them.

'Stop trying to oppress my religious freedoms with yours.'