I also ran away from the community, hiding from the things that triggered and upset me. I shouldn't have done that, but I will do better. I've been transitioning for 2 years, living full time for over a year and working in a male dominant STEM field as a Woman. This has been enlightening in more ways then one.
But enough about my recent life, let's discuss something that absolutely infuriates me.
When someone tells anyone else to 'Man Up'. It can be said multiple different ways, including the extremely offensive 'Don't be such a girl' or 'Don't be a pussy'. All of these phrases are used to tell someone they are either being physically or emotionally weak about a situation they are in. That they are responding to stress in an 'Unmanly' or 'Non Masculine' way.
This is insulting to the victim of such phrases because of a few different reasons.
- It implies that Femininity is an unwanted trait, in both men and women.
- It implies that being physically weak is an unwanted trait in both men and women.
- It implies that responding to any sort of stress either Physical or Mental with anything but a shrug is unwanted.
- It implies that pain can simply be ignored no matter how severe and your inability to ignore it makes you weak.
These have far reaching consequences, the worst of which is outright dismissal of a person's feelings and experience. This is an aggressive form of oppression in my experience and it can lead to some negative side effects. Especially in men who were told as little boys. 'Play through the pain!' 'Man Up!' 'Grow some Balls!' 'Stop Whining!' 'Don't Be a Pussy!' or other uncomfortable phrases.
The worst of these side effects is they they will ignore a pain that is indicative of a symptom that would normally be used as a warning sign for something more serious. Things like Cancer, Disease, Arthritis, Heart Disease, and even Stroke.
A man with years of the 'Man Up' socialization under his belt could potentially be walking down the street, feel a small pang of heat in his arm, ignore it, become short of breath, ignore it, and then collapse dead of a heart attack because they 'Played through the pain.'
Why does this type of socialization piss me off? Because I was forced through it as a child, even if I live my life as a woman now, I was still socialized with this stigmatizing and dangerous oppression of all that is not masculine.
As a result, I was ill-prepared to seek help for things like Sleep Apnea (Resolved at 25, had it since I was 5), Social Anxiety Disorder(Still an issue in some cases) and Social Anxiety influenced IBS (Resolved at 25 with Transition), and Dysphoria(Resolved at 25 with Transition). As well as a host of other minor issues I'm sure I'm forgetting over time.
I hate that my native response to stress is 'Oh fuck, well bottle that up.' not 'I need assistance' Especially with issues I can't resolve myself. Luckily I'm getting over it, but in reality, I wish I didn't have to. I also wish others didn't have to go through what I have.
If you are in pain, you have stress, or you are hurting in a way you don't understand or know how to deal with. Seek Help if you can. Please. Seek help. Don't let your pain destroy you.
